recent stuff by allan boyd - antipoet

mornin john - for john mcglue

05 Sep 2015

mornin john
yr one in a billion john
its NBG John
don’t be butthurt
no need to rage-quit facebook
yr awesomesauce
there’s no way yr weak sauce
yr a glanceable
a bit clickable
maybe a little
waitin for the morning show mic drop john
lets bantz the fat-shame on the morning train john
snapchat ya manspreading
took up two seats bruh
meanwhile yr talkback with randos
at least after the show
you get an early
beer o’clock

Western Derby

14 Aug 2015

they want a poem about the western derby
but I hate both teams
they wanna poem about the government
but I hate both teams
so I wrote this
and I cant
I cant
waiting for words to spit out
like lyrical sparks,
searching dictionaries
for inspirational diction
for rhymes, for fact-filled fiction
but there’s naught
theres only blank white
this screen missing wit
unable to spit out the fitness
nothing here
no assonance
or alliteration
minimal enunciation

leave a row for darren

28 Jul 2015

crawl outta the swag at 530am
rummage for your boots
in the dewy mundaring dark
drag yourself to the ute
up the great eastern
off gorrie road, an eye to for roos
in the misty grey

we’re at the tree dump in the breaking light
loading a 100 boxes of radiata
fried bacon on a slice of white bread
ice on the box plastic
fingers like frozen rocks
then its a load up the bucket

heel two three drop
heel two three drop

up and back, across the paddock
smashing rows on rows on rows

dear madam speaker

07 Jul 2015


dear madam speaker
madam speaker
madam speaker

got a point of order
that oughta be treated

if I see you in the pub
I might have to teach ya

yr fundraiser helicopter
right-wing features

dear madam speaker
madam speaker
madam speaker

spin spin spin
like a gifted preacher

inside a beehive
a handful of leeches

we are all entitled to the
sticky little creatures

dear madam speaker
madam speaker
madam speaker

Mansplaining mansgrooming to men

04 May 2015

I’m off to the boy’s salon
Got an upset man bun
A busted up guy-do
Book my barber for a manicure
Got a decoupage on my cuticles
Look at my bro-scape
Like I’m an oil paint
I’m a man-canvas
I came back for a Back crack n sack
This top knot needs a service
Need a massage on my face for the ladies
For the man-groomers, not the baby boomers
Baby you can find me in the Detox Sauna / Exfoliating
or under the Hot Stone, de-stress Relaxation
Fantasy team Spray Tan

Lest we forget

25 Apr 2015

Lest we forget
We forgot
We forgot
Those that stood up at the Nek
That fell like so much mud and rock
And blood and bones
Light horsemen fallen heavy
The roar of musketry
At dawn
Five thousand bullets per minute
Cut down like grass mown

41 Derbies

25 Apr 2015

They meet again this Sunday
In the April Sun
At the fat ground, the Western Derby
And youse can tell the Vicko commentators
It’s a DERBY not a DARBY
And the scarfed mobs fill the trains early
40,000 spill in from all points of the city and beyond

This Most Marvellous Pope

25 Apr 2015

This Most Marvellous Pope

Richie’s out for 84

No wickets left in hand

No nightwatchman tonight

All heads bowed now in the shed at 2.22

T’was a worthy captains knock, they said, over

That satin voice of summer from the TV

round one

02 Apr 2015

there was movement at the clubrooms
for the word had passed around
that the black-n-red had got off scot-free

that all the pin-cushion media metaphors
the supplementary sagas
the doping dramas
the sensationalist deadline regimes
had got away

and a hundred-thousand left-wing gripe-mongers
eyes bulging, throats sore from loyal vitriol
can’t quite wipe all that spit, from all those lips